Much is said about the damage that porn movies do to our sexuality. Creates false expectations regarding times, sizes, the intensity of orgasms…. But beware, it’s not just porn movies that affect our collective imagination. Romantic movies, erotic novels, and even music videos also feature sex scenes that are quite far from reality. Scenes in which everything flows, the rhythms are perfect, the idols are always excited and wanting more, and also no one is running their makeup or having a setback.
We all understand that fiction does not always portray everything real, but showing those mundane moments might help to eliminate myths and make visible issues, on which it is important to move forward. These are some examples below.
Put on a little lubricant.
Sex scenes always tend to be fast-paced. They get turned on, they kiss and almost seconds later they are moving on to penetration. In film and television, this makes sense because screen time must be concentrated. But at the same time, it has an impact: we think that when a couple starts a relationship they are immediately excited but it is not like that. Penetration is not the only practice that exists, for this it is necessary to have stimulated other parts of the body before so that everything flows better. And even, so there are times that even if other previous erotic practices are carried out, extra lubrication is needed and it is totally normal. That’s what lubricants are for.
In fact, the lubricant is usually a key piece on the bedside table or as a single treatment in the bag, but this lack of visibility means that there are still those who believe that it is only used in cases of vaginal dryness. For example, during menopause.
The reality is that there are multiple types of lubricants, for oral, anal, vaginal, to use with toys or with condoms, that can make sex much more fluid.
Putting on the condom
Another of the great absent in fictional scenes is usually the condom. Above all, when adults and not young people or teenagers appear on the scene. That moment of leaning against the door, putting yourself on the table in the living room or on the kitchen counter is just enough to show how pants and underwear are lowered.
But not to see how they look for a condom, they unroll it, put it on carefully, and already start intercourse. And since we never see that moment as sexy, we don’t know how to handle it naturally in real life. The moment to go for the condom or the moment to put it on can be a critical moment for several reasons; for cutting the pack, because you lie there lying / or in bed without knowing what to do or where to look, or for getting up and walk around the room naked, etc. Let’s get comfortable.
Thus, the expert’s proposal is to show this moment in the movies as an opportunity for seduction and not as a cut from the pack. Something that visually can be solved as easily as a mischievous look or a sexy dance to place, without having to take a close-up.
The hairdo moment
If in action movies the “heroes” who came out of an explosion or a burning building without disheveled was criticized (until Bruce Willis arrived), in erotic scenes we have not yet overcome that myth. Nobody gets dirty, despite wearing their hair down, nobody’s makeup runs and everyone gets up with a super seductive white shirt, we never know where it came from. That is why there are those who look in the mirror after a good sex session and feel perhaps a little more vulnerable because of the vision it offers to their lover.
In the middle of the sexual act, it is totally normal for your pants to get hooked, a fart (anal or vaginal) escapes or you need to gather your hair in a ponytail so that it does not get into your mouth (we all know You can pass). Let’s stop living these acts with shame and enjoy them. Many times they are funny moments that sex gives us and that can help to create a climate of trust with the other person. As Woody Allen said, “sex is only dirty if done right.“
“Is that today that position bothers me”
Sex shouldn’t hurt. But the reality is that our body does not always react the same to the same stimuli. The menstrual cycle can make the vagina or nipples more sensitive one day than another. And sometimes what you like so much that day bothers you. But we will never see the heroine say in a movie: “Wait, what is it that in this position bothers me a bit, shall we change?” Or maybe: “Today I don’t feel like squeezing my nipples because I’m premenstrual.” Again, because we don’t naturally visualize that dialogue, we may feel more self-conscious about expressing our needs in real life.
Penetration does not have to be always pleasant; if we penetrate without lubrication, ahead of time, or too late, the sensations caused are very different. Let’s also demystify sexual positions: not always and not all are comfortable. There are times when certain positions are difficult, annoying, or simply impossible. All this has an easy solution! “communication ”.
If in the movies we saw communication as something sexy, beyond having to intuit everything from the intensity of the moans, we would avoid many and sometimes very unpleasant misunderstandings.
The moment after and the importance of going to the bathroom
The couple begins to kiss, we see some shots of their naked skin in dim light and after refocusing on their faces concentrated in the shadows, we go directly to the moment after. Hugged, in bed, happy and in love. And without any need to go for a moment, as you finish, to clean yourself and reposition yourself to the bathroom. Something that is not only common but is in fact totally recommended. The most normal thing is to have to clean up, go for something to drink to regain strength, and need to go to the bathroom. As the experts insist going to urinate is very important especially for people with a vulva to avoid infections. However, urinating after penetration helps to eliminate possible bacteria and therefore prevents infections, such as cystitis; beyond romanticism in sex as in life.